Date: August 31, 2014 - Sunday 12:37 PM
Subject: It’s been a while
I’m sorry it’s been a while since I’ve sent a SakuMail!
Today, I’m really happy because catering has stuff like popcorn and cotton candy!
I want to hurry up and eat it!
But before that, I’m going to go sleep a little!
From: <sakusaku0319@sp.hkt48.jp>
Date: September 2, 2014 - Tuesday 10:29 PM
Subject: Shocked!
Today, Takamina-san came to our theater performance!
I was shocked ^o^！
We’re together on Team A so it was kind of weird seeing her at the HKT theater! *laughs*
It was fun!
Please watch the DMM!
From: <sakusaku0319@sp.hkt48.jp>
Date: September 3, 2014 - Wednesday 7:37 PM
Subject: It was fun!
Today’s day off was extremely productive!
I bought a lot of things, like clothes for the handshake events!
Also, also!
When I’m shopping around Fukuoka, I always run into members *laughs*
Today, I ran into Murashige and Nao *laughs*
Murashige took pictures of me secretly and then mailed them to me with the subject “I’ve encountered an idol!” *laughs*
She’s so funnyー!
It seems that Murashige reads the SakuMails!
Oh no, I wonder if she’ll be mad if I send what I just wrote? ^o^
From: <sakusaku0319@sp.hkt48.jp>
Date: September 3, 2014 - Wednesday 8:47 PM
Subject: Long letter!
The senbatsu members for HKT48’s 4th single “Hikaeme I love you!” have been decided!
I was a bit uncomfortable writing about it on Google+ so I’ll write about it in a SakuMail instead!
I think that what I’m about to write is probably how I truly feel!
This time, 3 new members were swapped into senbatsu.
I want to genuinely tell these new members, “Congratulations!”
But, where there is light, there are shadows…
There are also the members who fell out of senbatsu.
When I think about how they must feel, my heart tightens painfully.
How many times have I wished that all 46 members could be in senbatsu.
But, this world isn’t that kind.
And it’s because of that, that we can grow and our hearts can become stronger.
I’ve never once taken for granted that I’d be chosen for senbatsu.
It’s something that I’m always thankful for.
That’s why, I’m proud of the fact that I was chosen for senbatsu; as one of the 16 representatives of HKT, I want to work hard to make HKT more known.
Alright,
this time’s center is Haruppi.
Haruppi, congratulations!
You were entrusted with the position of center, that’s amazing.
The world of center that is still so unknown to me.
Since I’ve never once been entrusted with the position of center among 16 members, in a single or in a performance, honestly, it’s something that I don’t really understand.
How people who are center must feel.
It looks fun and it’s the position that makes you stand out the most so it seems very desirable to me.
When I first heard that Haruppi was going to be center, I thought “Congratulations!”
Because we had been working hard together for so long as 1st gen members, and because it’s something that she’s always strived for.
We, of course, already knew about it before announcing it to the public.
And we filmed the MV.
I didn’t really have any feelings of frustration. Up until then.
But, when we were all watching the video that had been uploaded to the homepage together, I experienced some strange, dark feeling inside my heart.
It was a very complex feeling.
After that, as soon as I was alone, I suddenly couldn’t stop crying.
I called my mom.
It seems that I was forcing myself not to feel frustrated all this time.
But as expected, I really…
I felt much better after talking to my mom.
The thing I felt frustrated about, wasn’t that I wasn’t chosen as center.
I was frustrated when I realized that I personally lacked ability and luck.
Hmm, I wonder how I should put it…
My own worthlessness for not being able to live up to everyone’s expectations.
That feeling was frustrating.
Honestly, I thought it’d be better if I didn’t share these feelings with you.
But if I was a fan, I think I would’ve wanted to know, and it’s thanks to you all that I was even able to make it this far, so I decided to go ahead and share.
Thank you always for your warm support.
I’ve been able to work this hard up until now because you were there for me.
From now on, I hope to stay positive while growing each and every day!
I pray that this single can become another song that represents HKT!
I thought she wasnt gonna comment about Shige getting dropped from senbatsu but she did subliminally... That made me happy that she still cares even though they been apart from each other so much lately.. This sakumail was deep, one of the better ones since she rarely writes what she feels
ReplyDeleteIt really was, I love when she shares like this. I hope that writing it out helped her feel a little better, but it's definitely a sad situation, for her and for Murashige :/
Delete